Im Going to Bed I Just Hope You Come Back to Our Server Again

The last xx-iv hours have been less than ideal for me. Between feeling like my chamber was spinning to sleeping with a garbage pocketbook nearby bedside table in case I get sick and tin't brand information technology to the bathroom, I have had what almost would consider the stomach flu. Except dissimilar the full-blown stomach influenza, this is the condensed, Sparknotes version. Withal symptoms, but all in the span of about a day. And trust me, the symptoms are just as bad. Worse even. For the sake of those lovely people who have been blessed with never having the 24 Tummy Influenza, let me break it down for yous, phase past phase:

Phase one: Huh, that's weird, I'thou suddenly not feeling to well. You lot day volition outset off normal. Nothing out of the ordinary will happen, you lot'll go to yous classes or work, you eat the same thing yous e'er eat for luncheon, but then, something changes. You lot brainstorm to feel a piffling off. You may get a stomach ache, even though all you ate for lunch was a turkey sub and Baked Lays from Subway. At this stage yous blame your ill feelings on indigestion or non eating enough.

Even in illness I'm still a grammar nazi.

Stage 2: Wow, what is going on with me? Now yous know it'due south probably not indigestion. The Peptol Bysmol you took is not helping. Not only do you now have a stomach ache, just thinking about food is at present causing you to go ill. Yous may also experience dizziness and sudden fatigue.

Stage three: Okay, I really don't experience well. At this point, you pack up your work, tell your boss you lot demand to go habitation and hope to god yous tin arrive at that place earlier getting sick all over the sidewalk. You stumble abode, trying difficult not to smell the Domino'southward Pizza and Chipotle you must laissez passer on your way home.

Stage 4: Why is the room spinning? I think I'g going to be ill. Hopefully you lot fabricated it home vomit free. If you have, bonus points to you! If not, sucks to be y'all. You lot are at present laying on your bed, wishing that the ceiling would finish rotating and your bed would stop jarring. Your backpack/briefcase/any-you-carry-your-work-things-in handbag has been dumped on the flooring forth with your coat, mail (if you even bothered to get it), and shoes. You tin can choice them up later on when the idea of bending over is to pick them upwards, not to throw up in the toilet. Most likely at this stage, you will get sick. And it will be violent. And you will feel like crap.

Hopefully yous won't await every bit pathetic every bit this guy.

Stage 5: The "Dear God I'k Going to Dice" Panic Attack. You've gotten sick. It was awful. Y'all feel atrocious. You lot clamber back into bed, limbs shaking from the strain you just put on them. As you lie in that location trying to regain stability, a horrible thought runs through your head: I'grand going to die. What e'er this is, is going to kill me. At that moment you lot wish you lot had ordered the meatball sub instead of the Turkey sub, because the meatball was what you really wanted but you didn't get it because it was higher in calories. Y'all wish you lot had the strength to write a quick volition, so that your friends and family know who should get your monkey cookie jar and who should get your giraffe figurine from Nigeria. An overwhelming fear overcomes you when you realize neither of your roommates/family unit members are home and they volition come in and observe yous expressionless, half in your pajamas, half in your piece of work clothes with your pilus slightly damp from rinsing the vomit out of it. You wish yous had shaved your legs the nighttime earlier so the coroner wouldn't have to touch your hairy legs. All of this happens inside the span of nearly a minute to a minute and a half.

Phase vi: Acceptance of your impending death and peace knowing you'll soon be washed with whatever this is. After the panic attack subsides, yous suddenly don't actually intendance if you lot die or not. If you die, you lot get to go to heaven, and you won't feel similar crap anymore. And at the time, that sounds pretty adept. You lot don't want to die, but you've come to terms with it.

JESUS: Stomach influenza, eh? ME: Yep, couldn't seem to keep anything down. JESUS: Well come on in, I'll make you some loaves and fish. You lot must be starving.

Stage seven: The Major Nap. As you drift off to Heaven sleep, your torso just kind of takes over and puts yous in a coma. You're out for hours, and not even an earthquake or the apocalypse would wake you. This is a adept matter, because at least yous aren't throwing up.

She has no idea zombies are most to suspension down her door.

Stage 8: The fullest bladder always; also known as the biggest pee in your life. If you were taking intendance of yourself prior to the major nap, you would take been drinking plenty of clear fluids or Gatorade. What lilliputian managed to stay in you lot have now fabricated it to your bladder and dearest, your bladder is about to burst. You run to the bathroom, happy that for once you lot're not there to vomit. Relieved that your float is no longer empty, and that you didn't become ill, you think peradventure you lot'll try to eat something.

Stage 9: The sudden food cravings. Because you oasis't eaten anything in quite a while, your trunk might desire something odd, just nothing that would brand you lot sick again. Similar mashed potatoes. Or a PB&J. Or buttered noodles and parmesan from Noodles and Visitor. If you're lucky plenty to have those foods, you'll make them. If not, you lot'll find something else to eat.

Oh yes delight.

*Optional Stage: The revert to sickness. If your nutrient craving did not make you lot experience better, it may cause you to get sick again. If this occurs, stages 7-9 might be repeated.

Phase 10: The 2nd Major Nap. Merely to exist on the condom side, you'll accept a nap afterward you eat something. This nap volition either confirm or deny whether you are getting amend or non. If you wake up during the nap and get sick, so that'southward a bad sign. If y'all make information technology through this nap without getting sick, the lite is at the finish of the tunnel my friends.

Stage 11: The starvation manner. If yous Successfully made it through the Second Major Nap, you volition most likely wake up starving. It will feel as though your tum is a black hole that will suck itself away if y'all don't get nutrient this very instant. You volition be ravenous. Don't make the fault though of eating whatever is in the fridge. That will but make y'all sick again. Swallow a full meal, but make sure is still bland-ish.

The downside to stomach flu (too your body refusing to keep anything down) is that you don't become turned into a butterfly at the end. You're notwithstanding merely yous.

Stage 12: I'm totally fine again. What the crap? Suddenly, all is well. It volition feel similar you were never sick. And there's no item reason for it. All you lot know is you were on your decease-bed a few hours agone and now you're completely amend. C'est la vie.

Okay, you lot probably won't experience this groovy. But she'due south just that happy because she's getting paid.

Update v/one/2015: I tin can't believe this mail has become so popular! If you would like to run into what I am upward to at present, head over to my new blog, The Reluctant Fit Foodie!

hannonolesest1997.blogspot.com

Source: https://blweathers.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/the-twelve-stages-of-the-24hr-stomach-flu/

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